Jason D. Barr

If you’re not sure what’s going on here, please read this first.

Who am I?

I’m a person who cares about other people. I like to teach and to share what I know. But, more than the teaching, I just find myself thinking about doing stuff for other people. I give money to panhandlers (or have in the past) even though I know I probably shouldn’t. I think I’m a fairly generous person. I’m really only writing this stuff because I don’t think other people actually read this blog. I don’t publicize my giving, I give anonymously, and I want to give more than I do. My grandpa ran a rescue mission in Flint, MI and I think I really learned to be giving from him. We would spend Christmas and Thanksgiving serving food to the homeless. It really got my mind off me and onto other people.

As I’ve grown older, I feel like I’ve become more compassionate and willing to see that some folks need help getting back on their feet. Hand outs are important sometimes. You can provide opportunities to get people out of their bad situation (education/retraining, loans, etc.), but they’ve still got to eat and have a roof over their head. And, until they can provide that for themselves, they need someone else to provide it for them. That’s what following the golden rule is all about; treat others the way you would like to be treated in that situation.

Why this excites me is that I know this is a good trait. People should be less self-focused and more other-focused. I’ve always had a tendency toward depression, and the best way to ward off the “sads” is to focus on someone else. I really need to do more of it than I’m currently doing. My wife does an awesome job of giving of herself (teaching English to refugees, making meals for moms who just had babies, volunteering with World Relief) and I’m going to start doing more of it myself now that I’m done with my MBA. I’d like to find a way to earn enough money to live by doing something that enriches the lives of other people.

So, just as an introduction to what’s going to happen on this blog after its hiatus (I graduate from b-school in two weeks), I’m going to be running through the exercises in the book What Color is Your Parachute ?. I bought the book a little over a year ago, but didn’t really go through the exercises. I’m seriously thinking about how to go into business for myself, but I’m not entirely sure what I want to do, you know? I’m just to the point where I can’t hardly stand working for someone else anymore. I don’t like the 9-5, I don’t like having to show up at the office, I don’t like being in a place where I don’t want to be. Honestly, if I didn’t have to do that, I wouldn’t be too upset about having a job. It’s just all the other stuff that goes with it, you know?

Anyway, there will some serious introspection going on around this joint for the next little bit. Don’t be concerned. By the way, as another caveat, I’ve recently gotten my first teaching job. I’m an online instructor for non-degree executive education certificate programs (talk about some qualifiers, huh?) at Thunderbird, my alma mater. I’m currently working on two certificates (Global Management and Doing Business in China), but have the potential to move into more. I’m hoping to leverage this into some other, more responsible adjunct or assistant professorships at community colleges and such. So, I have some idea of what I may want to do, but I think I could do more than just teach. Hopefully, I’ll find this out through these exercises.

I’ve been keeping a journal for a long time now.  I’m not sure how long, really.  I have a journal from when I was in the fourth grade; perhaps I journaled even farther back than that.  Fourth grade, though; that’s what, 9 years old?  That’s pushing 22 years now.  Granted, it’s not something that I do every day (never has been), but I’ve been semi-consistently writing down my thoughts and ideas for over two decades.

Semi-consistent, until 6 years ago.  That’s when I joined the Army and quit thinking about what I was doing.  It’s interesting to note that this really is true.  All the stuff you hear about the military beating the independent thought out of you is correct, even in my case.  I’m about the most independent person I know, and I don’t take orders well.  I don’t know that I quit thinking about my life because the Army taught me not to question; I think it’s more of an issue of continuing to ask the questions, and for the first time, not really liking the answers.

After all, that’s what journaling is all about (or should be, anyway).  It’s the search for answers to the questions that come up in your life every day.  The necessity for reflection is one that I used to find so necessary that I filled tons of spiral bound notebooks and professionally bound journals for just that reason.  It’s a habit that pays big dividends, for a few big reasons.

1- Journaling allows you to track your progress.

Progress of what, you ask?  Anything, really.  I look back at some of my old journals and am almost embarrassed by the depth (or lack thereof) of thought expressed there.  However, on the other hand, it’s refreshing to see how far I’ve progressed; how much more of a “grown up” I am at 30 than I was at 20.  But, that’s not the only progress journaling allows you to track.  It can be much more concrete than that.  You can develop ideas for almost anything (school projects, proposals at work, ideas for the Great American Novel, etc.) and track how they get fleshed out as you record your thoughts on them.  The questions you have about aspects of the plan, the objections you foresee being raised and your responses to them, the next steps that bring the idea closer to fruition.  All of this is located in one, easy to maintain location, allowing you to focus your thoughts.

2- Journaling can help you discover what you’re thinking.

It’s not just for recording your thoughts.  I’ve found so many times, especially as I’ve gotten older and realized I don’t really know as much as I thought I did in the past, that I sometimes don’t even know what I’m thinking about a particular issue.  Putting it all down on paper in a stream-of-consciousness dump allows me to see it all there.  The thoughts in my head (and, maybe yours, too) tend to swirl around in a sort of fog that I can’t quite seem to pin down.  Writing has the effect of pulling all these thoughts out of the spinning vortex and pinning them down to the paper so that I can examine them more closely and see what they’re really saying about the issue in  question.  I know that, honestly, there have been times when I’ve looked at something I’ve written after I’ve been going for awhile and I’ve surprised myself that I think the way I do.  I never would have crystallized my views the way I did if it weren’t for my journaling.

3- Journaling can provide a great source of ideas for the future

Not creative, you say?  I used to think the same thing.  I quit using my imagination a long time ago and I wish I had it back now the way I did when I was 5.  I found a great technique for using my journal to unleash my inner 5 year old.  Leonardo di Vinci used the same technique in a lot of his journals, actually (and if it was good enough for him, I’m confident it’s okay for me).

What you need to do is write the question you want to answer at the top of your page (or type it, if you journal on your computer).  Make sure you specify exactly the question you want to answer; be as precise and definite as possible.  Then, put your pen on the paper and start writing (or, fingers on the keys, as the case may be).  Don’t stop for at least ten minutes.  Your hand will cramp up, and you’ll probably have to write “I have no idea what to write” a few times, especially in the beginning.  What you’re doing is cutting through the conscious mind that filters our thoughts for us.  Normally, this is a good thing (as anyone who’s had a young son or daughter ask an embarrassing question in a public place at high volume can attest).  However, when you’re trying to discover creative answers to questions, it doesn’t help at all.  You need to cut through the conventional thinking, the clutter and the extraneous, in order to allow the thoughts in your subconscious mind to bubble to the surface.  This is when the thoughts truly get good.

The actual action of writing whatever comes into your mind, free-association style, allows you to dig (metaphorically speaking) a hole through your conscious thought to the subconscious stream underneath.  Once you’ve been going for a few minutes (with no stopping!), you’ll be amazed at the stuff that starts coming out of your pen onto the paper.  Truly, it may not be “great” stuff.  However, you will notice that it’s original stuff, not conventional thinking, and probably thoughts that you don’t even recognize as your own.  This means it’s working!  Now, all you have to do is practice, practice, practice.  The thoughts get better the more you get them out.

Anyway, those are just three reasons I journal.  There are others, but this post is long enough.  Reflection (like what I’ve done here) is so important to developing a true understanding of yourself; if you’re not currently routinely engaging in self-assessment of some sort, start today.

“Physician, heal thyself” is a quote you may have heard before.  It refers to dealing with your own issues and difficulties before you go about trying to solve the world’s problems.  No one wants to take advice from someone who hasn’t done what they’re teaching.  Entreprenuership professors who’ve never owned a business, coaches who never played the sport, etc.  What’s the point, right?

Granted, I can’t be expected to teach something I’ve never done myself.  But, what if I’ve done something poorly, infrequently, or only once?  Can I teach then?  It seems to me that, in my experience, I’ve learned an awful lot by teaching other people.  You only need to read one chapter ahead in order to know more than your students, right?

If both you and the person you’re teaching approach the relationship with eyes wide open, I think that teaching something that you know very little about can be a good thing.  First of all, you as the teacher need to be willing to go the extra mile to make sure you’re studying relevant sources and gaining expertise from credible experiences.  Once that’s assured, however, you’ll reinforce what you yourself are learning much more thoroughly by sharing your newfound knowledge with someone else.

Of course, if given the opportunity, it’s always best to learn from someone who’s done what you’re trying to learn how to do.  Who would you rather learn how to throw a football from:  Joe Montana, or your grandma?  But, in the absence of opportunity to get close to a true subject matter expert, and concerted effort to learn all you can, and then impart it to someone else, will get you far down the road toward becoming a true authority in your new field of study.

So, in addition to long-term thinking, another key to success is creative thinking.  Unfortunately, this is one that many people (especially in the business world) struggle with.  A common refrain is “I just don’t have a whole lot of creativity”.  There are two key issues that I’d like to point out to combat this type of thinking.  When you really take these keys to heart, you’ll free yourself to begin thinking creatively.

The first key is to realize that the vast majority of us are born creative.  Studies have shown that 2% of adults are truly creative by the time they reach the age of 40.  Studies have also shown that 2% of 30 year olds are genuinely creative.  In fact, studies have shown that the 2% “creativity rate” holds true all the way down to early childhood, where approximately 90% of 5 year olds are deemed “creative”.  What happens?  What causes such a drastic shift?  The theory posed by these individuals that conducted the studies is that children are instructed to, in a sense, abandon creativity as they grow up.  With the focus on seriousness and attention to facts that begins to invade their lives as they begin school, these kids literally have the creativity squashed out of them.  The ability to think creatively, to attack problems and questions from innovative angles, is not valued nearly as highly as is the ability to remember facts and retain information.  Consequently, kids begin to focus on these skills and cease to use their formerly strong creative abilities.

There’s a lesson here:  creativity is forgotten if you don’t use it.  It follows logically that, the more you use your creative abilities, the more creative you become.  Just as muscles that aren’t exercised regularly atrophy, so too does imagination and novel thinking.  So, in order to become more creative, you have to focus more on exercising the creative abilities you have.  It may be hard at first, and you may need to start small, but you will become better at it as time goes by.

The second key to creativity is to remember that there are no unique ideas.  The greatest minds throughout history have built upon the foundations left by the thinkers before them.  As such, you can rest assured that any idea you have, someone else has had before.

This may be discouraging to some, but to me, it’s a liberating concept.  I don’t have to do something revolutionary in order to consider it creative!  I don’t have to reinvent the wheel!  I simply need to be willing to consider all possibilities for solving any of the challenges that I face on a daily basis.  Many ideas have been conceived before, but not all of them have been executed properly.  You don’t have to invent the mousetrap, you just have to refine the concept and execute it.

So, there you have it.  Be willing to attempt creative thoughts and activities, and remember that you don’t have to do anything earth-shattering.  Creativity is much less daunting if you deal with it in this fashion.  You owe it to yourself to  give it a shot.

Here is a transcript of Steve Jobs’ commencement address at Stanford University in 2005. I’m not a Mac person, per se (although I am using one to type this), and I’m not big on a lot of stuff Jobs says, but this is an incredible address.

When I was 17 years old, I read a quote that said something like: “Live each day as if it were your last. Someday you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

This is the crux of the issue I was speaking about yesterday. Find your vision and chase it down. Otherwise, you’re not doing what you’ve been put here to do. There’s no purpose, no meaning, and you’ll drift through life day after day. Eventually, you won’t be able to meet your own eyes staring back at you from the mirror in the morning.

Be honest with yourself. Are you really doing what you want to be doing? Or, are you just doing it for a paycheck, or because it provides security, or status, or some other “benefit”? There’s nothing wrong with those reasons; you need to provide for your family, and security and status are very important to some people. However, are these things the most important to you? Is it worth 45-55 hours a week or more, 50 weeks a year for 40-45 years, just for some cash and a Mercedes? I don’t know about you, but those just don’t cut it for me. I’m not willing to trade time with my wife and son, and making a contribution to the welfare of others for those things.

I want to make an impact. I want to feel like I’m a part of something bigger than myself that’s helping other people, that’s adding value to the world around me. I want to leave this world a better place for my son, and I want to have people say when I’m gone, “Man, what would my life be like if it wasn’t for the things that Jason started? Where would I be without that?”. That’s the goal. The stuff we accumulate is fine, but it’s really a byproduct.

Is vision just for CEO-types? I don’t believe it is. Everyone needs to have vision.

Vision is the ability to take the long-range view, to look at a challenging situation and see many possible outcomes, to make the choices that will direct one through the challenges to the best result. Vision is crucial to becoming engaged in whatever situation you are dealing with. If you can’t conjure a long-term plan, you’ll tend to get bogged down in the details of the day-to-day. Your vision, the big picture, is what you can do better than anyone else and the way you can leave your mark on the world around you.

How do you cultivate the tendency to think big picture? I believe that, first and foremost, you’ve got to have a big picture view of your life. What’s the motivating force that goads you to action every day? What gets you most excited about waking up in the morning? If you’re not excited to get up, then you don’t have a vision. Many people call these “goals”, and the terms probably could be used interchangeably, but I believe that goals are what get you down the road to achieving your vision. Goals are incremental steps to how you plan to make the environment in which you live a little bit better.

A vision is something that you are so interested in, so excited about, that you willingly invest your spare time, energy, and money to accomplish. For some people, it’s studying some particular topic (say, philosophy or history). Some people write, some are passionate about helping other people.

And, some people are just enthusiastic about themselves. If you don’t have a vision of something greater than yourself, you’ll automatically default to surfing the couch five nights a week and drinking beer with your buddies the other two. Don’t get me wrong; it’s a valid choice to make. Everyone is at that stage at some point in their lives. However, I will have to say that not looking past yourself to something greater is a gross misuse of your God-given abilities and talents.

There is something in you are better at or know more about than anyone else in your social circle. Don’t miss the opportunity to share your insights and skills with other people. Whether it’s helping a friend who’s starting a business to design a website, or tutoring kids who have a tough time with their math homework, find something or someone outside of yourself to focus on.

Once you feel like you’ve found that thing that you are passionate about above all other things, it’s time to brainstorm. Make two lists: one list of how you can develop this passion (more study, practice, etc.), and another list of how your passion can benefit those around you. Once you know how to get better at what you truly care about, and how you can help other people through applying your passion, you’ll have the vision for your life.

As you go through life, you’ll naturally refine what you see in your big picture. It may be a tweak here or there, or it may be a full-blown change of course. Either one is fine. You never truly know how your actions will affect those around you until you start.

Big picture thinking will elevate you above the mundane issues you face in the daily grind, and will cause the things that formerly frustrated you to become much smaller issues than they had been previously. Once you’ve got a long-term mindset, those frustrations don’t matter as much. If they’re challenges blocking your way toward achieving your vision, you’ll have a reason to keep going through them. And, if they’re challenges in an area unrelated to your vision, you’ll know that they don’t really matter. What’s important is keeping your vision always in front of you, and constantly reminding yourself of what you will achieve.

So, if (as I mentioned yesterday) we are all relational beings to one extent or another, how do we do it? How do we go about developing relationships? Those of us who are introverted tend to make connections slowly, and devote a great deal of time to one person before we consider them to be a true friend. Our extroverted friends, on the other hand, can enter a room where they know no one and walk out with 10s of new friends in a couple of hours. What’s the difference?

First of all, the difference may be one of semantics. Extroverts tend to use a looser definition of “friend” than do introverts. However, even functioning from a baseline definition, extroverts have a much easier time of it establishing connections with other people. This is due to their natural willingness to open up to others and be who they really are.

This decision to be honest when you meet others, rather than defensive of your privacy, is the key to generating new acquaintances that can eventually become friends (or, at least, have a chance of developing into a long-term acquaintance). Don’t get me wrong; rarely does anyone want to hear about some intensely personal issue that you’re confronting moments after meeting you. However, it’s really so much easier to develop a common bond when you move past the weather and the ball game into some topic you are both passionate about.

“But, I don’t even know where to begin! How do I even start talking to someone?” is a question I often hear from people. What I’ve found, and it’s been demonstrated true time and again, is that people love to talk about themselves. So, ask people questions. It’s helpful to use a technique called “F.O.R.M.”, which has been used by sales people and other relationship builders for years. The acronym stands for “Family, Occupation, Recreation, Message”.

First, Family. Find out if they have one. Wife or husband, kids, significant other, pets (this is a big one that some folks forget)? Find out how they met their spouse or significant other. How old are the kids and what are they involved in? If you have similar experiences, this is even better. You can form a bond by discussing your kids’ soccer teams or what have you.

Second, Occupation. How’d they get started with Company X? What attracted them to the industry? What’s the future hold for their company? Anything exciting on the horizon?

Third, Recreation. What do they do for fun? Reading, biking, hiking, painting, sculpting, singing, underwater basket weaving? Any areas in common there? If they mention something unique or unusual, be sure to find out how they got involved in that activity.

Finally, Message. This small talk only needs to go on as long as you’d like it to. Most people don’t expect to have an hour long conversation with someone who they didn’t know five minutes ago. Once you come to a convenient pause in the small talk, just excuse yourself. But, and this is key, make sure to leave the message with them that you’ve enjoyed talking with them and would like to follow up with them in the future. For instance, you could say, “I’ve really enjoyed talking to you just now, especially about _______. However, I’ve just seen someone else I need to go say hello to (you see people all around you, don’t you?). Would you mind giving me your email address, or perhaps you have a business card? I’d like to keep in touch; perhaps we could have a cup of coffee some day and discuss ________.” And don’t worry about it if you really haven’t connected at all. You’ll know, and so will they. Don’t force it. Just disengage with a polite “it’s been good talking to you,” and move along.

The key to making connections is to be truly interested in other people. Most everyone you would happen to meet has some aspect of their personality that is interesting and unique. It’s your job to attempt to find that by asking them questions and really listening to their answers. Use some of the techniques above to make small talk with the guy in front of you in the checkout line at the grocery store, or the woman in line at the bank. Get in the habit of being friendly to everyone you meet, beginning with a genuine smile, and soon you’ll realize that you’re well on your way to having plenty of genuine relationships.

So, what’s the big deal?  Why should I worry about other people; shouldn’t I be looking out for number one (especially early in my career)?

These are questions that used to cross my mind quite often. Having grown up in these United States, I was thoroughly indoctrinated with the “John Wayne” mindset; I could do it on my own. Independence is valued very highly in our society (and rightly so). However, in asserting our independence, we often slide too far in the other direction and totally miss all the benefits we receive as members of society.

There are many things to be gained from our social circles, it’s true. However, if one approaches “networking” in the manner in which it is often conducted, that person will totally miss the point. Relationships aren’t something to be milked for all they’re worth. You cannot use other people to get ahead for very long before they quit allowing themselves to be used. Each relationship has to be approached from the standpoint of giving. What benefit can I provide for this person? How can I help him or her out with the challenge they are facing? What value am I bringing to the table? If we as individuals approach our relationships from a service standpoint, we will never lack for opportunities.

This mindset applies everywhere. In order to get a raise, you first need to demonstrate that you’re willing to put in the time and effort necessary to generate value for your organization. To be placed in a position of authority, one first must be willing to become a good follower; working hard to ensure the success of the team. In order to make friends, you need to be a friend first. An extremely wise Man once said, “the first shall be last, and the last shall be first”. Take a subordinate position, humble yourself, and be willing to learn. You cannot demand respect (well, you can, but you’re most likely not going to get it), it must be earned.

So, in order to build a network of friends and associates that you can draw upon for assistance, you first need to be a person who offers his or her assistance to those around you, without question and with no thought for being repaid. Don’t keep track of the favors you do for other people. It’s not worth the mental effort. If you give of yourself to others, be it financially, with time and expertise, or just as a friend who listens, you will always receive back more than you give.

I’m an introvert. Not in the sense that I stutter, or have anxiety attacks when I leave my house. I’m an introvert in the sense that I would rather spend my time with a few close friends, rather than in a room full of people I know only superficially. This doesn’t mean that I have poor or below average social skills; far from it. I’ve read many books on relationship building and I feel like I do a good job when I’m meeting new people. One of my favorite things to do, in fact, is speaking in front of a group of people on a topic I find interesting. It just means that big “party” type settings, where I interact with many different people, drain me of energy, rather than renewing it.

However, after an event like this, when I’m on my way home, I think about situations of extreme isolation, and wonder just how far one can go in that direction. Wouldn’t being a hermit be great? What about shutting yourself up like Thoreau? What if you were literally the last person on earth? What would that be like?

Can you imagine being totally, utterly alone? Nothing to interact with (television, internet, radio, etc.) and absolutely no one to talk to. Imagine walking around a world that looked exactly like the one you’re familiar with in every way, but totally devoid of any other person or animal to interact with. How long do you think you could last before you went crazy from loneliness or literally died from boredom? Could a lack of relational stimulation really kill you? I think it could.

The bottom line is, even introverts like me need human contact. Parties may be draining, but it would be nothing compared to the alternative. Voluntary isolation from other people can be refreshing for some, but it always ends. We need other people in order to survive. It is only in the regular give-and-take with people that we know and meet that we can find purpose and meaning in our lives. We exist, to a certain extent, for relationships. Relationships with our Maker and with each other. If there were no others, there would be no purpose. But, in interacting with others, we find purpose on the most basic of levels. Every motive in life, running the gamut from selfless service to manipulative control and domination, requires interaction with other people. Make the most of your opportunities every day to talk to the person in front of you at Starbucks while you’re waiting for your frappachino; you may meet a person who makes your life more worth living (or, you could be the person that makes their life more livable).